oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
