Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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