And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to make a zoo with you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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