her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
