$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize