Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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