phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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