So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
