I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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