Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
