It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
