Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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