please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
