he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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