First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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