We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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