she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
