i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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