Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
