So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
