i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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