I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
