drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
