trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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