you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just had sex on a roof
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
