Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
