We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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