It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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