So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
