walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
