; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
