Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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