So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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