Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
