I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
