Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
