i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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