...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
