I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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