if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
