You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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