Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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