and she was petting her beer can
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
