LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
