do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
