But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
