It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
