I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
