We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
