He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
