As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
