K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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