God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
