i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
