SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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