I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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