i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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