I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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