I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
