you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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