she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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