Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
