I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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