So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we're chasing vodka with high fives
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
