I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
