a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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