why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
