I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
