I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize